Christmas in Saudi Arabia (or My Daily Routine)

Christmas in Saudi Arabia just another day. In fact, had I not been sent a Merry Christmas message from my parents, I just may have forgotten it completely. It's still hot and dry. There are still five prayers, and everyone is going to work. Except for me of, course--I'm still enjoying my extended holiday. Anyway, it's just a normal day, like any other, bearing no special significance here, whatsoever.

But how does one spend one's day, when he is stuck in Saudi Arabia, with nothing to do all day? Well, listen, one must make a schedule, if one hopes not to fall into the abyss of madness. So I wrote myself one on a page from a small notepad and fixed to my wall with duct tape, so I don't forget.

My schedule suggests that I wake up at ten AM. This, as it turns out was being optimistic. In reality, most days, like today, I'm up by the crack of noon, after enjoying a healthy ten hours of sleep. File under: finally I get to relive my teenage years, or now I know what it's like to be an Arabian.

Next comes tea time. I make my self a cup of green tea and slowly sip it, while sitting on my little couch. I don't do anything else during this time--no TV, or reading, or whatever. Just listening to my thoughts...which usually whisk me off to somewhere in the civilized world.

After tea time, I do my morning yoga routine. I contort my body into all sorts of weird positions, all the while wondering how in the hell I gained so much weight. I do both of these things for half and hour to forty-five minutes. And then usually make breakfast.

Breakfast usually consists of a gigantic salad made from whatever vegetables I bought the day before. I'm trying to repair some of the havok wreaked on my system from eating cafeteria food at the institute for a year. It's a slow process, but I think in time, I'll begin to feel like a human being again.

Then it's time for chores. I must finally be an adult--I've scheduled clean-up time for myself. This usually means cleaning up in the kitchen first. I have to do it, because no one else will. To be fair, I don't think anyone else ever goes into the kitchen, so I guess that's fair. Then I clean up my room and do laundry or whatever. I know. It's a thrilling life.

Next it's meditation time. I sit on a cushion for half an hour an focus on breathing. You would be amazed at the kinds of crap the mind starts spewing out when you're meditating. It's a fascinating phenomenon--it's like the mind doesn't want to be quiet, and if you ask it too, it throws a temper tantrum, making even more noise!

But by the time the thirty minutes are up, my mind is usually nice and clear for study time. I usually crack open my Learning Arabic textbook, and slog my way trough a couple of pages over the following forty five minutes to an hour, and maybe watch some incomprehensible Egyptian television.

Then it's off to the Arabian Palm hotel, where I am now. I've scheduled two hours for writing, but as it turns out, like my wake-up time, two hours was a bit ambitious. So, I just write until I get bored. That's what I'm doing now, by the way! I go to the Palm for two reasons: first to get out of the house, and second, because it has the best internet in Rabigh...so when I'm done writing I can download movies, or play online games.

At which point, I've entered the free time portion of my day, which extends to about nine o'clock, when I put in the headphones and walk for two hours, in a desperate attempt to lose some of the extra twenty pounds I've gained here before returning to Canada, and ultimately arriving in Japan.

The rest of the day, you can usually find me playing video games or having tea with my colleagues. I expect tonight we will be eating mindi in lieu of turkey dinner.

Merry Christmas from the Kingdom!

Getting a PADI License in the Kingdom

In Saudi Arabia, you have to make your own fun, but that's not always a bad thing. It encourages you to learn new things and try activities you have never tried before. Last June, I went on a Discovery Scuba dive with some of my colleagues in Yanbu. We took a boat out into the ocean, and got a taste of scuba diving. Since then we have been trying to get things organized to get out PADI diving licenses.

The main reason it took so long, was we were waiting for the school's safety officer to upgrade his accreditation, so he could be part of the training. But, in the end it was worth it, because are doing the bulk of the training in Rabigh, which means that I finally get to spend time in the Petro Rabigh compound!

So we finally got started with this thing about a month ago. Our instructor is a Philipino dive master from Jeddah. He is fluent in English, but his grammar is atrocious. He's about as wide as he is tall and has hands like hams. Very nice guy, with a ton of experience. We were given a book to study and a video to watch.

Since out initial meeting, we've met three times to do knowledge reviews, quizzes and tests. One benefit of having our safety officer on board has been that we have been able to have the meetings on campus. Unfortunately, getting people organized has been a comedy of errors--people are always late, or don't show up...and of the six of us who signed up, two have already dropped out.

In fact, originally, we planned to be finished the training by now, but we have only done one pool dive, and half of the text book. I guess we're really going to have to step it up if we want to get finish the training by the time my contract is up. I'm sure we will though.

So, the training has been a bit of hassle, but it's worth while. Scuba diving is a really cool experience. It's like entering a whole new world. All of your senses are augmented: all sounds are amplified, your sense of equilibrium goes crazy, your sense of size and distance is skewed. The coolest thing: you're moving in three-dimentional space. The feeling of weightlessness is delightful. And of course, you're surrounded by nature...at least if you're not doing a pool dive!

The best part: it's affordable too. For the course, and basic equipment (wetsuit, fins, mask, boots, snorkel and bag) it will have costed me about $750.



PS, for those interested, I recently did a guest post for my friend Carl's (AKA Duke Stewart) travel website. Check it out: http://dukestewartwrites.com/travel-enlightenment-part-1/

When It Rains, It Pours

Nine months out of the year, it's hellishly hot in western Saudi Arabia, and during that time, there's so little condensation that if it 'rains', it usually comes down as dirty globs of spittle for about an hour and then stops completely. Luckily, from November to January, the weather is actually very pleasant, and occasionally, it actually rains proper rain...which tends to lead to utter fucking chaos, since there isn't the proper infrastructure to deal with it!

Recently, at our school, a few minutes into the fourth block, it started to rain--not in the aforementioned "spittle" way, but real, honest-to-goodness, civilized world kind of rain. Of course, all of the trainees rushed to the window to witness this most wonderful of natural phenomenons, as if it was the first time in their lives they have ever witnessed such an event. Water? From the SKY? What strange magic is this? Basically, once it starts raining, there's a camel's chance in Siberia that the students (being a mere twenty-two years old, on average) will be able to pay attention, or go to the next class.

And so it was when in really started coming down. Now this building wasn't built with rain in mind, so there are electrical outlets on the floors--like actually coming out of the floor itself. And, rain has a habit, in some classrooms of coming in through closed windows, pooling on the floor, and creeping towards the electrical outlets. Such was my concern while the students all crowded outside to check out the rain. We ended up cutting off the electricity to the buildings and letting the students go, which was kind of nice, because we got half of the day off too.

I took the opportunity to drive around with a colleague and take pictures of the city. For a while, I felt like Rabigh wasn't so bad, after all.

Riding around, we could see big pools of water here and there, on and off the street. Not surprising, seeing as how there are no storm drains, or even a sewer system in Rabigh. Also not surprisingly, we saw a couple car accidents. Bonus: while driving around, we saw a herd of camels too!

All in all, it was a pleasant afternoon off, and all thanks to Saudis having no idea how to cope with rain. It happened again Sunday morning, so school was cancelled again...even though it turned out to be a sunny day. The best part: this was all on the heels of the king asking everyone to pray for rain!

Coming Up on the Final Stretch

It's been more than nine months since I arrived in Saudi Arabia, and I've got to do some serious thinking about what happens next. Should I endure Saudi Arabia for another year? Are the fat paycheck and the vast swaths of vacation time worth it? Or should  I go back out into the world and experience a new country while I am still young and full of vigor? Should I take my earnings and spend the next year traveling the world? Or should I pay back what's left of my student loan, and hurry home to rack up a new one?

I'm always weighing the pros and cons of living in the Kingdom. The job is, frankly, a cakewalk...which isn't always a good thing. Because I am not held up to very high standards, the incentive to grow as a teacher and reach for excellence isn't always there. The money is good--but I have to make a lot of sacrifices for it: I have to live in a back-water burg in a theocratic dictatorship which regards alcohol, premarital sex and dating, music, even cinema as sinful--and illegal. It's not danger pay--it's desert pay. They give us tons of vacation time, which is nice, but the cost of plane tickets adds up after a while--and no one who hasn't had their brains baked solid wants to stay in Saudi during time off. All things considered, I don't think I can handle another year. I can see myself coming back eventually, but I need a break.

I am tempted to throw caution to the wind, and buy a sixty liter backpack and just travel. I had this idea to start out in Tunisia to practice my French, and then work my way west across north Africa, cross over to Spain, swing over to Portugal before making my way into France, check out Marseille and cross over Italy into Austria to arrive in Hungary and visit my good friend Dave and his family. From there, I would decide whether I wanted to continue on into China (via Siberian express) go home, or whatever.

The responsible part of me wants to go back to Canada, study to get my teacher's license and become a bona fide teacher, to start a master's degree in creative writing or linguistics, or to get some kind of technical writing accreditation--but probably not in Vancouver; Ontario or Quebec would suit me better. The irresponsible part of me wants to go back to Canada, pick up a guitar, start writing songs and learn to paint while I work on the great Canadian novel. I love that part of me, but it lacks discipline!

BUT, what I will most likely end up doing is find a job teaching English in either Japan, Taiwan or Singapore. All three countries have something different to offer: for me, Japan has always had a powerful mystique about it, and I've wanted to go there since I was a teenager. Taiwan has Taipei, which is maybe my favorite city anywhere. And Singapore offers a slightly higher paying job, which requires fewer hours, and in which I would teach to students who already speak English. Of these options, Japan seems like the best, because there I can get a four month contract, which I can renew if I like the place, or not if I decide to move on to somewhere else.

So, those are the options on the table. Should I be responsible, or reckless? Should I stay in Saudi, go home, or go someplace new? Who knows? Thankfully, I'm not anxious. I have faith that the best option will assert itself in time...and time will tell!

Sri Lanka Pt. 2

Having done basically zero research before heading out on my adventure, I was unaware that I could not take a bus directly from Anuradhapura to Sigiriya. I had thought that Sigiriya was a town, and not just an ancient natural wonder/stone fortress. Then again, it might actually be a town after all. It's sometimes a little hard to tell in Sri Lanka...

Taking the mini-bus from Anuradhapura to Dambulla, it struck me that Anuradhapura was much more spread out than I had initially thought. There seemed no end to the road-side buildings, be they stores, houses, or whatever. Eventually, I realized, that's just how it was in Sri Lanka. Also to my surprise, the only road available for the entire journey was a two lanes; there was one lane for each direction. This prompted many hair-raising, and nearly disastrous passing maneuvers. I thought it was absurd that there was such a narrow road connecting Sri Lanka's two most important tourist destinations. Later I would learn that there wasn't even a highway connect Kandy to Colombo--Sri Lanka's two biggest cities!

In Dambulla, I stubbornly ignored tuk-tuks and resolved to walk out of the city center in order to find accommodation. Eventually I found a place with wi-fi for only fifteen hundred rupees. I got a tuk-tuk to the bus station and soon was on my way to Sigiriya: The Lion Rock. Sigiriya is a isolated pillar of rock, which inexplicably rises several hundred feet from ground, with a smaller mini-mountain to the east, but otherwise isolated in it's own little valley.  I must admit, it was pretty cool. I understand that a very long time ago it was a Buddhist monastery, then for a short time converted to a fortress by a usurper king...and then reverted back to a monastery once that king had been deposed. The weather was excellent the scenery was impressive, and the rock itself was a marvel. The only drawbacks were the ticket price, which at three-thousand-nine-hundred rupees was even more expensive than the Anuradhapura circuit; and the throngs of Chinese tourists which were want to impede the progress of those behind them by stopping every twenty meters for group photo shoots. 

By twelve noon I had climbed the rock, checked out a nearby temple, returned to Dambulla and hopped a bus to Kandy. Having witnessed the madness of Colombo, I feared the worst for Sir Lanka's second city. But actually, it was kind of nice. It was way up in the the mountains, there seemed to be a real downtown area, and it just seemed way more chill than Colombo. Someone even showed me where to find an internet cafe without asking me for money...although he did offer to show me the Temple of the Tooth after depositing me at the cafe. I found a decent hotel that overlooked the lake, that didn't cost too much. There, I relaxed on the top floor, an open-air restaurant and did my nightly ritual of drinking Lion beer and checking my messages. The only other people up there were a Dutch couple and the staff.  I chatted to with the owner. He told me how once every couple of days, then monkeys would show up and he would give them something to eat. As the sun went down, a colony of fruit bats made their way past the hotel. Later I went for dinner with the Dutch couple.

Upon  returning to my room, I finished reading the only book I had brought with me--a meditation guide by a Buddhist monk in the Theravada tradition. The book left a bad taste in my mouth that, combined with what I had so far seen of Buddhism in Sri Lanka, left me feeling disenchanted with the religion I had loved for so long. In the book, the end goal of the Buddhist path, Nibana, is described as a remainderless cessation of being. I was aware of this concept before--in fact it's at the very heart of Buddhism. It's sometimes described as a "return to original mind" or the cessation of clinging. But the author I was reading, staunchly denied all that as "making something out of nothing", and wrote it off as foolishness. However, he made no attempt whatsoever to explain why anyone would want such a thing (especially seeing as how the states leading up to enlightenment are supremely blissful), and did very little to explain the old Buddhist conundrum: if there is no self, then what is it that reincarnates? His explanation: the "doer" and the "knower" are both illusions. But then, I wondered, what is it that's aware that the knower is an illusion? How is any of this even possible at all? What vague explanations the author gave towards the end of the book were mostly just references to the suttas. And I thought Buddhists were above that kind of appeal to authority. 



By the next day, my mind was full of dissatisfaction with Buddhism, and I felt very much aggravated that I had put so much stock into this religion for so long. Such was my mindset as I approached the famous "Temople of the Tooth", a Buddhist temple, which houses a tooth taken from the Buddha's funeral pyre. I thought about skipping it and going straight to the bus station, but thought I might as well do something memorable while I was in Kandy. So I approached the entrance, and was asked to change out of my shorts into a pair of pants. As I did so, the man that asked me to change served as a human curtain. I asked him if he was Buddhist and queried him about why anyone would want nibbana. Like a good Buddhist, he immediately replied it was the end of suffering. I told him I didn't understand why someone would want that. He had no reply. Shockingly, when I made the gesture to shake his hand, he remained unmoving and it seemed to me that he was equally perturbed by the notion of nibbana.

I got another shock when I was asked to pay admission. I have been to dozens of temples and churches, many far nicer than this one, and I never had to pay a fee. Not for Heinsa in Korea, which houses the Tripitaka Koreana, nor for Notre Dame in Paris. Donations boxes yes, entry tickets, no. I begrudgingly forked over a thousand rupees, rebuked a "tour guide", who of course began to offer his service before asking me if I wanted it, and made my way into the temple...and immediately thought about turning back. Throngs of devotes clogged the temple, again carrying lotus flowers, this time to offer up to Buddha's tooth before praying to it. After fighting my way up the stairs, it soon became clear that I wasn't going to get anywhere near the tooth, or whatever container it was housed in. So I just continued on, and looked about the very forgettable temple. In another room, there was another relic, and with lotus flowers offer up to it. There was a sign that warned against smelling the flowers-ostensibly because they were for the Buddha only. Superstitious idiocy.

In yet another room, there were a series of paintings that told the story of the tooth--from it's being dug out of the Buddha's funeral pyre to it's present location. It turned out that it had quite a rich history, and that it had even been instrumental in sparking warfare. There was even a painting that claimed that it resisted attempts to destroy it, claiming it had withstood the impact of a sledge hammer then levitated into the air and shone like a beacon, for some damn reason. I went through one museum they didn't make me pay for, but skipped a second they wanted money for. I left the temple in disgust. I would never call myself a Buddhist again, as I was occasionally prone to do, in order to simplify my beliefs. Buddhism, it seemed to me then was no better or rational than any of the other world religions, which I has so often criticized.  

Making my way to the bus station, I had decided I had seen enough things for one trip. It was time to go to the south and enjoy the beach. I had to return to Colombo first, but there turned out to be a highway to the southern province. Hallelujah! I arrived in Galle by sunset, and by sheer coincidence ran into a fellow named Walter, with whom I had worked in Rabigh for two days before he was transferred to Jeddah. We decided to travel together and went to Hikkaduwa beach,which turned out to be a bust, and the next day went to Unawatuna, where I would spend my remaining three days, and Walter would spend his remaining two. I did very little of note during those three days, mainly sipping assorted alcohols on the beach and going for the odd trek every so often. By the time the three days were up I was thoroughly relaxed.

Before heading back to Colombo, I explored the fort at Galle, which was very nice indeed. I stayed at the hostel I had began with, watched a movie, had a final bottle of beer, and took a snooze before taking my 2 AM cab to the airport. One of the hostel workers asked me how I like Sri Lanka. I told him is it was nice. He asked me when I would be back, and I replied: never.  

EID Vacation: Sri Lanka (Pt.1)

Well, this was unexpected. Four weeks into classes, and it's time for vacation again. Game on. Having just gotten back from vacation, my main criterion for the break was to find someplace cheap. I new basically nothing about Sri Lanka, but a return ticket was under $700, and some quick web research confirmed my suspicions that the in-country expenses would be minimal. Away we go.

I had expected to spend the majority of my time in Colombo, sipping tea and sketching from a comfortable sea-side perch. Colombo was not the city I expected. Colombo is not even a city. Colombo is many little cities with no space in between them. Really--they even have names, like "Pettah", where the train station is and "Havelock City", where my hostel was. Alternatively, you can call them "Colombo 01" and "Colombo 05" respectively. Imagine, if  you will, a metropolitan area of 4.5 million people AND NO CITY PLANNING WHATSOEVER. That's Colombo. My hostel, quite removed from any beach or metropolitan center was located smack dab in the middle of this gigantic dog's breakfast called Colombo.



I gave it day. I found the ocean but there wasn't any beach. To my amazement, instead of developing the Oceanside property with walkways, bike paths, basketball courts and the like, inexplicably there was only a railway. Well, at least the passengers would have a nice view! I was walking along the coast when I was convinced to go to a Buddhist-temple by a would-be scammer who insisted that we go see the "elephant ceremony" that would miss if we didn't go right away. I must admit, the temple was interesting, but the "elephant ceremony" ended up being a chained up baby elephant eating plantain leaves. By that point, I was well aware of what was going on--he was taking me on a tour that I hadn't asked for, and would bill me for it later. Leaving the temple, I told him to take a hike, and then had it out with the tuk-tuk driver that had brought us to the temple: our clever tour guide's accomplice.

That evening, I had some drinks with some of the others staying at the hostel. The lightweights were weeded out over a game of King's Cup and the rest of us eventually found ourselves at a very forgettable nightclub. We had a round of drinks and left. The next morning, I decided Colombo wasn't worth another day. The hostel lacked sufficient guidebooks, or maps, so I went online, picked out five tourist attractions, found them on a map, and wrote them down in my notebook, in what I thought was a logical order and headed for the train station. The names I wrote down were: Anuradhapura, Sigiriya, Kandy, Adam's Peak and Galle.

I found the train station and after some tribulation, namely standing dick to ass in a a ticketing room for half an hour, I procured my first class train ticket for one thousand rupees and got on the train to Anuradhapura. I could have gotten third class for two hundred-fifty, but the thought of standing dick to ass in a hot, sweaty cab for three and a half hours deterred me. I arrived in Anuradhapura somewhat after dark. As I got off the train I was immediately aware of two things: I had no idea where the fuck I was, and if I didn't start looking like I knew where I was going immediately, I would be accosted by throngs of tuk-tuk drivers like so many mosquitoes at a Colombo hostel. So I just started walking in the direction I assumed was towards town.



Before long a van slowed beside me and the man inside predictably asked me where I was going. I said downtown. He said I could jump in. So I did, but instead of dropping me off downtown, he just kept driving, insisting that I see his hostel. Seeing as how I had no idea who this nutter was, I told him to stop the fucking van or I would jump out. Only when I had the door half way open did he relent and turn the van around. This time he passed through town and took another turn, saying that I should check out the hotel he decided to drop me off at and if I didn't like it, he would take me to his hostel. I told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going with him anywhere and that he should fuck off. He still waited for me to come out of the hotel, and I had to tell him to get lost again.  I waited until he was out of sight until I started walking. I made my way back into town, found a restaurant, hired a tuk, and eventually found a decent place for a reasonable price.  

The next day, I hired a tuk-tuk driver named Douchematar (I remember his name because it's one letter away from being "Douche Master") to take me to Sri Jaya Maha Bodhi--the oldest intentionally planted tree in the world, which grew from a cutting from the tree under which Siddhartha Gotama reached enlightenment. I had hoped against hope that I would be able to meditate under the tree. No such luck: it was raised on a platform out of reach from ordinary folk. On all sides foolish people prayed to the tree and offered it lotus blossoms. Neither for the first nor the last time during the trip I though to myself, these people don't understand Buddhism at all. I was quite a nice tree as trees go, however, and I was able to procure a couple of leaves which had fallen to the ground.   

The rest of the morning and a few hours into the afternoon, Douchematar drove me around and endless succession of ruins and stupas, for which I had to buy a ticket for twenty five hundred rupees (ouch!). Douchematar first asked that I buy a ticket for him, but when I refused, it turned out not to be a problem, as he could drive around the sites anyway. Nice try, Douche. When we finished, Douchematar dropped me at the bus station (the wrong one) and drove off with a cool fifteen hundred rupees. I think that must have been my most expensive day in Sri Lanka! Eventually I found the right bus stop, crammed in, and made the very stressful and uncomfortable journey to Dambulla.

To be continued in part two...

The Incredible Benefits of Working in Saudi Arabia

Today, I'll be writing a bit about the fall semester so far, in order to show how low-stress and rewarding being employed in Saudi Arabia can be.

After coming back from vacation a month ago, we teachers spent the first week doing very little. We cleaned our desks, we proctored re-sits for students who had failed to show up to their exams the previous month. Our schedules weren't ready, so we couldn't preview what we would be teaching so, I spent most of the week drilling Arabic vocabulary.

At the beginning of the second week I got my schedule, and to my amazement and delight, I had a mere nineteen classroom hours. Additionally, I would be teaching classes wherein the trainees would not be given grades, and in which I could significantly alter the syllabus. I have zero responsibility to make the students test-passers, as they will not be tested on material taught in my class, which means we can have some fun!. I take teaching seriously, but I believe that classes should be engaging. This semester, I could really test that theory. I could see what works, and what doesn't, and hopeful get they students excited about learning.




To make matters even better, in addition to teaching a section of level three students, I got a section of new recruits, which are for the most part very bright and well-behaved. They are so well behaved that I'm starting to feel less like a baby-sitter and more like an actual honest to God teacher. 

The first four week went fairly well...

And now because of Eid al-Adha, we're all on vacation again. Originally, I thought it would only be ten days, but it turned out to be fifteen. So, I've been relaxing in Rabigh since last Thursday, studying Arabic, doing Yoga, practicing meditation, wandering around, and all of the other things I enjoy that are legal in Rabigh. Tomorrow, I fly to Sri Lanka, where I'll spend the next ten days, and do some things which are NOT legal here.

When I get back, we will have eight more weeks of classes, and then we will be off on vacation once again...and if decide not to renew my contract, I'll have just over a month after that until I am free to wander the world, go back to visit Canada, or go seek employment elsewhere.

Coming soon: Sri Lanka

Driving is Insane in Saudi Arabia

Eight months in, and I got in my first car accident in Saudi Arabia. FINALLY. Gosh, I though it was never going to happen. I kept asking myself, "what is wrong with me? Am I that unattractive that no one in this entire country is going to violently smash their vehicle into mine?

I've mentioned it before, but I figure now is good time to devote an entry to driving in Saudi Arabia. It's insane. The infrastructure is screwy, the drivers think they're formula one hopefuls, gas is literally cheaper than water, and the cops are ambivalent. Small wonder it's often  harder to spot a vehicle that doesn't have obvious body damage than one that does.

The accident my roommate and I were in, as you can see, was relatively minor. Perhaps in describing it, I can give some insight into a typical driving experience here. Context: there are no stop signs, nor are their dividing lines painted on the road. So. We were just arriving home. My roommate, Erron was driving. He banked slightly right, before he turned left into the parking spot, so he could park straight. While he was banking right, a truck ran straight through the four-way, tried to pass us on the left, so he hit us as we were turning.

When the cop came to the scene, he was as relaxed as a sloth in a tree. While he listened to both Erron and the other driver tell their accounts, he didn't seem particularly interested in either.  In fact, he didn't even step out of his vechicle to take a proper look at the accident, let alone take pictures. All the while, cars were passing the accident on the left and the right, which didn't seem to bother the policeman at all. He seemingly arbitrary surmised that the it was twenty-five per cent Erron's fault and seventy-five percent the other driver's fault.

I hope this gets sorted out soon, so we can get another rental...but I'm not keeping my fingers crossed. 


As reckless as the drivers are here, it's a wonder that there aren't more accidents. Last night, I saw a kid in a smashed-up car blaze down the street toward Rabigh's busiest intersection, pull up obliquely in front of first cars in line waiting for the red to change, and then run the light. I wish this were atypical--but it's not. And dimes to dollars no one wrote down his license plate number or called the police.
 
The problem lies not only with poor driving habits, but also with the poor infrastructure. If there were a stop sign in place, maybe just maybe that guy would have at least slowed down and avoided hitting us. It should be tougher to get a license. But even if it were harder, this is Saudi Arabia, and if you have wasta (influence), or know someone with wasta, you can get around just about anything. Cops need to start giving more tickets--they clearly don't do this enough. I think part of the reason why, is that if they stop a Saudi, they will argue with them...and if they have wasta, they may even threaten them!

Proper infrastructure should be put it place. It would help...although it would still be dangerous. People here drive like absolute maniacs. Why? Maybe because it's the only fun thing you're allowed to do here. Especially for young men. Back home, kids would have other outlets. They could go to rock concerts, go out with girls, go see a movie or go compete in a sporting event. (You're allowed to do sports here, it's just too hot and there isn't much interest). But here there is nothing. So kids get in their cars, and they go "drifting", which means they drive so bloody fast that the tires are barely touching the road.

This means that people die. Every trimester one of the trainees is either seriously injured or dies in an auto accident. Every one of my trainees knows someone who has died in an auto accident. Last trimester, two of out instructors got into a serious auto accident because a Saudi was driving recklessly. The instructor who was driving was not wearing a seat belt, and he was thrown through the window. The other shattered his right leg, and had to crawl out of the burning wreckage. He came quite close to dying after contracting pneumonia as a result of third-rate medical treatment.  

Of course, the terrible road planning doesn't help. Sometimes you have to make some inconvenient detours in able to turn around and get to where you want to go. This results in people driving on the wrong side of the street. The traffic lights are terrible: they are often placed several feet before the intersection, so drivers can't see the lights turn, and often they just guess. Also. there isn't any paint on the road to speak of--rarely do you come across a four-way stop, there are few zebra crossings, and not often there aren't even lines in the middle of the road. So, people often act like the rules that those marking as are there to remind us of don't exist! People drive in the middle of the road, they go through four ways without stopping. God help you if you're a pedestrian walking across the street if there's a car coming.

So, yeah. The driving here is insane. If you've never been to these parts before, and decide to drive. Please exercise caution!

Extra-Saudi Special: Budapest Hungary VS. Taipei, Taiwan

At the request of my good friend David, fellow ESL teacher and Hungarian resident, the following is a comparison of two fantastic, but very different cities: Budapest and Hungary. I had the pleasure of visiting Budapest for the first time last April, and fell in love with the city. This last vacation, I went to Taiwan, and fell in love all over again with Taipei. It's difficult to say which is the objectively better city, so I'll compare based on different aspects and then declare a winner!

Architecture 

Budapest is resplendent with gorgeous architecture spanning centuries back in time to the present. It has been called The Paris of the East, and not without good reason. Although, not much has been added to it's splendor from the communist era, the university, the parliament building and the castle, the bath house, churches and a plethora of Parisian-style apartment buildings enrich the city with their anachronistic and distinctly European charm.

As late as the nineteen-seventies, the Taiwanese still imagined they would make conquest of mainland China, so much of Taipei is still dominated by dull, blocky, and frankly ugly buildings. There are some notable exceptions, like the Grand Hotel, Chaing Kai Shek memorial, and the theaters that flank it. And in addition, the old, drab structures are rapidly giving way to modern buildings, Taipei 101 being the superlative example.

Taipei is looking better all the time, but even in ten or twenty years when most of the old buildings have been replaced, it won't have any of the richness of character than Budapest has now. For that reason, if nothing else Budapest gets the prize for best architecture.
   

Green Space 

Sadly, I while I was in Hungary, I didn't get a chance to get out of the city. Although I do understand that the country is very nice indeed, especially around the massive lake Balaton. Never mind. There is plenty of trees and greenery on the city itself, particularly around the citadel...or pretty much anywhere. Budapest is of a temperate climate, but it's a warm temperate, and the city is symbiotically intertwined with nature, making it a very nice city to be in all year 'round.

Taiwan is a beautiful island from top to bottom, and in particular in Toroko gorge on the east coast. But again, we're not comparing the countries as a whole--were comparing the capitals. Unfortunately, much of Taipei is crowded with the aforementioned ghastly architecture, crammed around narrow streets bereft of anything green save the vegetables aged Tawianese are want to flog on the sidewalks. However, Taipei is a big city and there is a lot to love in the way of nature, which is all accessible from the excellent metro. From lush the Maokong area, accessible by Gondola, and Yangminshan, with it's hot springs to the north, to the many riverside paths and swimming holes, to the very central, and superbly laid-out Daan Park, to Fulong beach (yes, I know it's outside the city, but come on, it's only a shorty train ride away), Taipei offers exceptional variety for lovers of the outdoors...although you may have to go a bit out of your way to get there.

The verdict: a tie! Although Budapest has perfectly integrated green space into it's urban environment, Taipei offers more variety.

Amenities

Although Budapest is not the largest, nor the most modern of cities (both advantages to my mind), it does have all of the amenities one could hope for: shopping malls, casinos, theaters, nice hotels. It has Thai massage places. It has at least one chiropractor. You can get whatever you want in terms of recreational pharmaceuticals (if you know who to ask). There are all sorts of restaurants, and the beer selection is exquisite. The public bath is the best I've ever seen. There are museums, and parks galore. There are bars in spades. And nice cafes. The only thing I'm not sure of is the music scene, although I've got a hunch there's a pretty decent one.  

Taiwan: it doesn't have the amazing outdoor bath, but it has some pretty fantastic indoor ones. It has massage parlors galore, which are significantly more affordable than the ones in Budapest. There are chiropractors. Plus there are a gajillion acupuncture/Chinese medicine clinics. There are even places with good beers selections. Plus it's hella-bigger, so naturally, there is all sorts of other neat stuff, like the zoo, gondolas, tea houses, etc. 

Taiwan.

People

Hungarians are fantastic. They are polite, warm-hearted, generous, kind, amorous, down-to-earth, and intelligent. And their women are gorgeous...aw heck, they're all pretty good looking. 

Taiwanese are very pleasant people as well. They have the same work ethic, wherewithal,  and community spirit that Koreans have...but unlike Koreans, they are open-minded, creative, forward-thinking, and not terribly racist against foreigners.* Also, Taiwanese girls are to die for.

Tie!

 

Cost of Living

Hungary, by European standards is very cheap indeed. You'll pay about seven dollars, Canadian for a movie ticket. Even a very good meal will seldom cost more than ten dollars. A pint of draft beer will run you about three dollars in a pub. But here's the big thing: the cost of real-estate is low. How low you ask? So low, young couples can still afford to get a mortgage. Wow!

Actually, the prices in Taipei for a lot of things are pretty much on par with those in Budapest. The main differences are that there are a lot of (night) markets with cheap stuff from China, you can get a quick and dirt meal for three dollars, home baked electronics (ex. Asus) are a bit cheaper, and buying real estate is super expensive--although renting is curiously cheap.

Taipei is cheaper...as long as you're renting.

Food

Hungary is world famous for its meats and it's produce. A tour of the fruits and vegetable stalls, and hole in the wall butcher shops will not let you leave without a full grocery bag in each hand, and a lustful dream of the night's dinner.  If you don't feel like cooking, you can be sure to find a restaurant to suit your  tastes, whatever they might be!

Taiwanese food, frankly is nothing to write home about. Mostly bland Chinese food and dumplings. The hot-pots are good though !Oh, and the night markets have some interesting (if not delicious) foods, like blood pudding on a stick, covered with spicy peanut powder. Try the bubble tea though!

Overall Livability 

Budapest is a really beautiful city. It's steeped in culture. The architecture is amazing. The food is fantastic. The people: warm-hearted. It's affordable. There are all the amenities. There are wide open spaces. There is a charming tram. Gypsies fill the streets with music. Couples kiss openly in public. Young artists sketch along the river. Pretty much anywhere is the perfect place for a jog. It's Shangri-La under a different name. The only problem is that everyone speaks Hungarian...oh well, you can sort of get by on English?

Taiwan is a prince of a city. Located on the norther tip of a tropical island paradise. Ideologically, and geographically positioned between China and the United States. A bustling metropolis, with open spaces, and a thousand and one things to do. Affordable on any budget. Full of adorable Taiwanese girls. And you can definitely get by just speaking English...you can also land a job teaching ESL quite easily!

I love you Taiwan, but Budapest is just so damn pleasant. The winner is Budapest.


The Grand Champion: Budapest.

Although, I must end by saying that Taiwan is an amazing city and I would be happier than a pig in mud to live there.






*Don't get me wrong--Koreans will welcome you into their homes, or they will take you out for a night of drinking and foot the bill, but they will not be happy to know you're dating their daughters. 

Summer Vacation Part Three: Pandas to Camels

No matter how unreasonably long the vacation, it's never quite long enough. I was in Taiwan just long enough for it to start to feel like home. I felt myself reluctant to go, having fallen in love with the city and the people. Although, to my surprise, after a couple of days in Arabia, I am not at all discontent with being here. It has allowed me to slow down, relax, and reflect--things I seemed unable to bring myself to do while still in Taiwan. Now, I find that I am torn between wanting to stay in Saudi for the long haul, not just so I can save heaps of money, but so I can enjoy long vacations, travel the world, and live a peaceful, reflective lifestyle in between; and jumping on the next plane back to Taipei, so I can enjoy all of the things I really love about life all year long.



My final two weeks in Taipei, like the previous two, was flurry of activity. I wrote the previous entry from the coastal city of Haulien, which serves as a jumping-off point for exploring the stunningly beautiful Torko Gorge, for which Formosa (the beautiful island) was named. Although, most the majority of the trails were officially closed off due to damage from the recent typhoon, in surprisingly short order, I found a very good trail, which lasted several kilometers up a mountain, which lead to an isolated tribal village. Indeed, I crossed paths with two brown-skinned Taiwan natives with face-tattoos coming down the mountain as I was on my way up.

Despite the beauty of Toroko Gorge, after only two days in Haulien, I felt myself drawn back to my beloved Taipei. Full disclosure--I was going back for a girl...which very quickly proved to be a bad idea. So, from that point on I spend most of my vacation chasing various women...which at the time seemed perfectly sensible, knowing full well that in a very short time I would be back in the land of fig trees and chastity. After several dates, meetings and hang-outs, I found my self ill-satisfied, and finally ready to throw my hands up in defeat, finally willing to stop and actually pay mind to those damn emotions whirring around inside, begging for the attention which they had been denied up until that point. And then, against all odds and expectations, I spent my last few days with an amazing woman, who just so happened to be in the same situation as myself...and whom I haven't been able to stop thinking about since. 



Thus, I have come to realize that there really are some truly wonderful women in Taiwan, who are fun, clever, good-humored, and down to Earth--and willing to date a guy like me. Why wouldn't I want to live in a city like this? I could spend my free time doing the things I love--biking, hiking, doing yoga, and even Aikido. With some luck, I could even shack up with a pretty little Taiwanese girl. I could eat healthy food and drink craft beer. I could learn Chinese. I could live in relative freedom and delight in the finer things in life! I would have to work harder, I would get paid less, and I would have far less vacation time but I could truly enjoy life one day to the next, if I lived in Taiwan. 

During my two days in Korea, before flying back to Arabia, I was surprised at how crowded and oppressive Korea suddenly seemed. And when I got back to Arabia at last, I was equally taken aback by the emptiness and chaos. I how I longed for that happy medium to which I had grown so accustomed for the past month. But that feeling changed rather quickly. I was immediately and intensely discontented...but it forced me to stop. That was a great boon; my need to constantly be moving in Taipei was doing no good for my emotional well-being. People often complain about living in Rabigh, but it is peaceful. Also living here can be a big opportunity, if you have the right mindset. It's the perfect place for study, getting in shape, and learning new skills, if you have the requisite automotivation. The lack of places to go and women to chase can actually be considered a big advantage--and if one IS content to live here, as previously stated, the monetary rewards are considerable and the vacation time borders on absurd.



In my case, there are even more incentives to say: the work environment itself is constantly improving. Classes are becoming fewer, teacher support is getting better, and there are now real consequences for unruly students. If that is not enough, there is plenty of room for advancement in my company, and they offer free online master's degrees for employees.

So, in short, Arabia can offer me long-term financial security, professional development, time to develop skills independently, and more vacation time than I can shake a stick at. On the other hand, Taipei can offer me fun, companionship, the opportunity to develop skill in things I love, and a picaresque living environment.

I'm not sure what will happen. I would like to spend a year in Taipei...but the longer I'm back here, in Arabia, the more enticing staying another year seems. Things keep getting better here. Career-wise, it's really the opportunity of a lifetime. But then again, is any amount of money worth living life alone? Can you put a price tag on love? If I've learned anything from the past six months, it's that long-distance relationships do not work. I can no longer pretend that they do. So, I've got to re-think my game-plan. But what is my priority--money or love?

Summer Vacation Part Two: The Northern City

In keeping with tradition, let me introduce the topic of this entry, which will (in theory) prevent it from degenerating into a ramble about my personal life: Taipei is a fantastic city. I would love to live here, and if I could go back in time, I would have done a year teaching here rather than in Korea. 

I've been in Taiwan a couple of weeks now, and I've spend all of that time in Taipei. I didn't imagine I would be in the city for much more than as week, but here I still am after nearly three. It's been a real adventure. I've really gotten everything I needed and under different circumstances, I would say that it was the time of my life. Given the actual circumstances, it's been the perfect place to lick my wounds, reflect on life, and begin to move on. (Refer to the previous entry for context).

                                 

I came here on short notice on the advice of my friend Cathy, who I met doing tutoring last year in Vancouver. As per her recommendation, I checked in at a hostel called The Meeting Place. It's just far enough out of the way to feel comfortable without being feeling disconnected. People there are, as a rule very social, and there is a large common area in which people are often watching a movie from a projector. The atmosphere was chill and so were the people. Shortly after I arrived, the weather started to turn sour. It was perfect. While writing in the computer room, someone suggested I download an app called "Skout" and that if I did, I would  be hanging out with a Taiwanese girl that very evening. But, I was warned that Taiwanese are, for the most part, nice girls, so I shouldn't be expecting too much. I decided it was worth a shot, and as luck would have it, I met Taiwanese girl named Jenny Chang, and she showed me around the Shilin Night Market. Turns out Jenny had just gone through a breakup as well. We hit it off right away. We ate Chinese medicinal soup, bubble tea and pork's blood pudding on a stick. It was a nice first night--it was pleasant just to share space with someone in the same situation and wander around a while. 

                                 

I spent the next couple days bumming around, not really leaving the hostel much. I wrote Kyungmin, trying to get some kind of closure, or maybe just to have contact. Because I put her picture in this blog (now removed), she told me I should stop trying to contact her, and that she was going to forget her memories of us together. I wandered along the riverside feeling sorry for my self, wondering what the hell happened to the sweet girl I used to know. I went drinking with a British guy who spoke fluent Chinese named Neil and a Cambodian-American named Ken. We got drink and instead of hitting on girls, we talked about Buddhism. The next day, there was a big typhoon that swept across Taiwan...but left Taipei relatively unmolested. 

Cathy flew in on the night of the typhoon. I stood around waiting for her at a subway stop for an hour before returning to the hostel. I then saw on the news that a plane crash-landed after missing the runway at the Taipei airport. Luckily, though it wasn't Cathy's plane and she showed up at the hostel a few hours later, chipper as ever. We had a couple beers by the river and she was graceful enough to listen to me wail about my situation. Cathy came back to Taipei to teach for another year, and has been busy with training ever since. Even though I would take a 50% pay cut to live in Taiwan, instead of KSA, I have been considering it. A lot of people, like Cathy, love it here, and I think it's for good reason. 

Cathy introduced me to her friend Aiden (also an ESL teacher) who speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese and has lived in Taipei for eight years. Aiden is seriously considering leaving--his leaving status has downgraded from definitely leaving, in the past couple of days, due to meeting a girl. Aiden, despite being a Aussie, is a really good guy. He let Cathy and I crash at his place for a few days, and we had a lot of fun. Here's a list of things we did:

- Had a rooftop cook-out. 

- Went to a party in Daan Park. 

- Went to a pool party (full of smoking-hot Taiwanese girls in bikinis).

- Went for a bike ride with Aiden's buddy, then swam in the river. 

- Went to the chiropractor, then the masseuse.  

- Went to the gym.

- Went to the bar, then the spa, (with said buddy). 

- Went to the top of Taipei 101. 

Aiden talked about his iron-hard resolve to leave Taiwan. I whined about my situation. I learned some Australian, had a good time and came out of that week significantly less mopey. 

Allow me to break the narrative for a moment to say this: Taipei is a wonderful city that has a unique flavor. Having not spent enough time in China to really get a feel for it, I can't use it as a point of reference. So instead, I think of it as sort of half-way between Thailand and Korea. Like Korea, it's clean (they are big on recycling here), the culture is influenced largely by Chinese and Japanese, and it is firmly capitalistic. On the other hand, like Thailand, it's tropical, the people are super chill, and there are scooters everywhere. It's a good balance. Thailand can at times seem too chaotic, and Korea can definitely feel too uptight. Taiwan has a good balance. 

It was great hanging out with Aiden and getting a taste of what it's like to live like a local, but all good things must come to an end. So, I returned to The Meeting Place in time to hang out with some of the long-term occupants before they continued on in their journeys to The Philippines, Thailand and Australia. Although I didn't expect to be back, I was glad to return. I had a lot of fun staying there on both occasions. Somehow, something interesting to do always happened. 

It would take too long to go into detail about all the things I did, so here's a list of I got up to while staying at the hostel (on both occasions):

-Hiking with Neil from the hostel, followed by hot springs. 

-Hiking with assorted hostelers. 

-Jogging along the river.

-Eating Dim sum ("Hong-Kong food") with Jenny. 

-Hot Springs and dinner with Jenny. 

-Bike riding along the river with Cathy.

-Soccer with hostel members. 

-Assorted massages (sans the "special").

-Exploring the night market near the hostel. 

-Going to the sports center to work out, and go swimming with hostelers. 

-Seeing live cheesy magic acts and live music with a beautiful Taiwanese girl. 

-Exploring Shi Men Di with Cathy.

-Going out on my own to check out Chain Kai Shek memorial and the national museum. 

-Went to a computer/games expo with hostelers. 

-River tracing with Adien and his buddies. 

Perhaps it's redundant to point out that Taipei is a very fun and interesting city with lots to do. It's not redundant, however to point out that the people are super cool and really friendly. Although Taiwanese people are very hardworking, they also manage to be very nice, polite and easy-going. I really don't know much about what it actually teaching English in Taipei is like, but I know that the living in Taipei part is excellent. I came here to try to get over my Korean girlfriend, and my time here has served that purpose very well. I'm sure it has dulled some experiences which otherwise might have been even more fun. To vacation here under normal circumstances must be very satisfying indeed, and I expect living here must be the same.

Summer Vacation Part One: Korea, The Land of Broken Dreams (Or the Hard Fight Against the Internal Shithead)

In a half-assed effort to keep this blog topical, let me begin by saying that working as an ESL teacher abroad has tested, strained and broken many relationships. From what I can tell, 90% of the time it breaks them within a year. I used to wonder what the hell people were thinking trying to sustain long-term relationships while living in different countries. I never thought I would be in one myself. Stupidly, naively I thought, no, this will be different. WE can make it work. You've probably guessed by now, I was wrong.

I met Kyungmin last summer in Vancouver. She was in town studying English and I was teaching English. Initially, I was her tutor, but a short while after meeting we started dating. Our relationship was incredible, but alas, she was obligated to return to Korea mid-December, and I was fated to the land of palm trees and khabsa. We had a teary goodbye at the airport and decided to give the long-distance thing a try.

Matt, thinking of what I would look like in a ferret costume.

We kept in touch via Skype and Kakao Talk, but after six months, it seemed that Kyungmin's enthusiasm to communicate seemed to wain. When I asked her is everything was all right she said, "Just busy with the new job and looking forward to seeing you." I was placated by her sweetness, but was worried that her feelings had changed. It turned out that they did, she had met someone new, and she thought she would wait until I arrived in Seoul to tell me. She said she waited until meeting me in Seoul to tell me, because she wanted to be sure about her feelings. Unfortunately, instead of spending some time with me before she made her decision, she made it right away.  Here I was ready to tell her I wanted to commit to the long--like marriage and kids and all that. Life sure is "funny" sometimes.

Things to do in Changwon: take a walk...that is all.

Now might be good time to introduce an entity I like to call "The Inner Shithead." The Inner Shithead is a parasite that lives inside all of us that feeds off of our anger. The shithead lives to complain, criticize, and insult people, things, and the world around him (or her--the shithead has the same sex of it's host). For the Shithead, nothing is ever good enough, and he is not afraid to say so. In short, the Shithead loves talking shit. Because that's how he makes us angry, and when he is angry, he gets to eat. Now, I didn't always know this, but I have discovered that the more you feed The Shithead, the bigger he gets...and the bigger he gets, the larger his appetite becomes. So, if you're not careful, The Shithead's growth will become exponential.

Ants devour the earthworm alive, like a Korean women feasting on a man's heart. 

Sometimes, when we are happy, we don't see The Shithead for a while, but when something bad happens, there he suddenly is, casting his long shadow over everything--coloring the whole world brown. You cannot kill a Shithead, presumably because murderous intent requires anger...but you can make him smaller. You do this by refusing to feed him. Some people say that you can even starve your Shithead to death...

In Korea, people eat something called yachae, or "vegetables."

From Seoul, we took the KTX to Changwon. Kyungmin told me she could only get tickets for non-adjacent seats--one in front of the other. Even though there was plenty of room on the train for us to sit together, she made no offer to do so. Was she just doing the Korean thing of following the rules to the "T", or was she determined to put some distance between us? Whatever it was, I couldn't bring myself to suggest to her that we sit together. So we just sat there, in our respective seats, not talking together. Neither of us had slept in two days, so maybe she was just intent on trying to get some shut-eye. I couldn't sleep. So I just sat there battling The Shithead, with every ounce of my being.

Eerily, I think I took this exact same photo of Scott two years ago.

For a moment, my crown chakra opened like a lotus flower in full bloom, and I reached satori. Either that, or I dozed off for a moment. Afterwards, seeking to perpetuate my steady diet of coffee and beer, I spent the remainder of the trip walking up and down the train for a refreshments trolley that wasn't there.

Stately GNU manor. 

Eventually, after the longest two and a half hours of my life, we arrived in Changwon, where Kyungmin lives. I would be staying with my friends Matt and his (Korean) wife Eunjin, who happened to live there as well. At one time, I thought this was serendipity...a clear message from the gods that Kyungmin and I could, and were meant to be together--because they lived had a place for me to stay in Changwon, and because they illustrated how well a North-American/Korean couple can work. Kyungmin took the cab with me to Matt and Eunjin's...I suppose I should be happy for that, and even came in for a few minutes to say "hello." She agreed to meet the next day for dinner, although it was clear by then that she had drawn her line in the sand. She had met someone else and we were finished.

A new development. Finally, Jinju has it's very own Rape Tunnel. 

It was really nice to see Matt again. Eunjin, too. They had gotten married since the last time I saw them and they seemed to be doing well. The apartment they were renting was quite nice, and had plenty of room. They even had a spare room for me to sleep in with a big window, a fan, and a computer from which I could play Borderlands 2, make futile attempts at sleep and send Facebook messages to Kyungmin pleading with her not to break up with me. They were doing tutoring out of their apartment, so every so often a high school student would appear for an English lesson. That first evening, we climbed the hill behind their house and sat in the beautiful park thereupon. I drank beer and do not remember what we talked about.

Heard Ajummas rustling in the bushes; decided to play dead.

I slept about two hours that night, fucked around on Matt's computer for four hours, and then climbed the hill behind his house with him and ran and worked out on the top. Afterward, Eunjin made us coffee, and gave us home-made yogurt with bananas. After they went to work, I spent the rest of the day walking around Changwon, and battling The Shithead. The Shithead was saying a lot of shitty things about Kyungmin, and a few shitty things about me. I went to a dentist for scaling, and sat on a bench for a long while and watched some ants devour a half-living earthworm. I felt like I had been hit by a truck, and fighting The Shithead was taking all the energy I had left. Eventually I made it back to Matt and Eunjin's and took a nap--the first real sleep I'd had in three days. When I woke up, Kyungmin was there with cake. She wans't there to go for dinner...just to tell me in no uncertain terms that her mind was set.

Relax Jared, it's not a bong.

The next day, I ran in the morning with Matt, then took a nap. After waking up at five-thirty, I went to Jinju, where I used to live, to meet my old friend Scott, who was still working at the university there. We met up at the Starbucks where we used to hang out, we went for pizza where we used to eat pizza, and went for a walk along the river, where we used to walk along the river. I even convinced him to come out for a beer (his eighth ever). Indeed, I think I may have been there for his seventh, just more than a year and a half ago. I talked about my situation. Scott is the one person I know that has been able to carry on a long-distance relationship for more than a year, his girlfriend living in Uzbekistan, or some such place. At long last he will be moving back to the states to do a graduate program...and now the survival of his long-distance relationship looks dubious.

The beer selection at GS 25 has doubled since two thousand ten.
At this rate, Korea will be ruling the world by 2020.

That night, I squatted in an empty room in Scott's dormitory, and the next day, we took at brand new foot path to the other university area in Jinju. We drank coffee made in a mysterious apparatus. Later, I met with my old friend Dan and went for a motorcycle ride. Dan had gotten divorced since the last time I saw him. He was much happier than he was before. We rode two of the best vistas in the Jinju area and Dan listened to me talk about Kyungmin. Dan had been a councilor before coming to Korea. He was a good guy to talk to. It was cathartic to be on a bike, too. For a while I didn't have to fight he Shithead. It was a welcome break.

I wanted to take Kyungmin up here, before she tore my still beating heart out of my chest cavity and ground it into a fleshly pulp with her shoe-heel.

That afternoon, while watching a movie alone, while Scott was teaching, I suddenly had the irrational feeling that I should send Kyungmin a message, and that I had to do it as soon as possible. After the movie, I used a nearby cafe's WIFI to send her a message on my phone. I asked if she wanted to meet for dinner the next day. She said yes. The next day she recanted and I decided it was high time to get the fuck out of Dodge.

Okay Dan. Sure you can eat fifteen eggs. 

My sister, who happens to live in Korea agreed to meet in in Busan before I flew out. She selflessly came from Gunsan on short notice. We ate Korean food and drank beer at the beach, watching people for a good while. I got sick from watching all the happy couples. We stayed at study room that was in the process of being turned into a hostel. The owner was a foolish person, and The Shithead began stirring.

Dan wondering what happens to a brick of cheese when you put it in a clothes drier. 

The next morning, I decided to take a plane to Taiwan, on the advice of my friend. Not having purchased a ticket, I decided to just go to the airport and buy one. If they were sold out, I would have just taken a flight to Japan instead. At the subway station, I snapped at Kesley for giving me directions to the airport I thought were confusing. Stirring, stirring...

Looks like this is all the pussy I'm going to see in Korea. 

At the airport, I stood in line for the check in counter for China Air, hoping to buy a ticket there, and a lady directed me to a ticketing desk. The clerks there directed me back to the check in counter, and the lady directed me again to the ticketing desk. I could hear The Shithead's loud footsteps approaching. The clerks at check-in made me wait before entering security, because they wanted to check my luggage. Then at the Dunkin' Donuts, the cashier asked me if I wanted normal or onion cream cheese on my BLUEBERRY bagel! The nerve of that father-fucking idiot. What, do I have no palette at all? Do you put chocolate ice cream on steak? Do you eat your apple pie with gravy!? No you fucking don't! You don't mix savory with sweet YOU FUCKING MORON. In my mind, everything I hated about Korea culture was summed up in that cashier's simple query. In Korea, if your boss tells you to ALWAYS ask what kind of cream cheese the customer wants on his bagel, then that's exactly what you do. You don't use your own intellect to infer that if it's a blueberry bagel, and that he is not going to want to eat it with with ONION cream cheese. You just fucking ask, end of story. Because that's how it's done. You don't make your own decisions. You follow the status quo. You get hired for one job and you stick with it your whole life. You don't decide to quit and run off to Canada after two years in. You don't date fucking waygook, and you sure as hell don't introduce him to your racist parents. No--you find a nice Korean boy, forget you learned English, that you ever went abroad and ever fell in love with a foreigner.

 

The cicada's mind and mine are one: FUCK THIS SHIT. I'M OUT.

I didn't make much of a scene. I asked her why I would want onion cream cheese on my blueberry bagel. She didn't understand, so I dropped it, paid for the bagel and left. Suddenly, The Shithead was gone. I knew it wasn't for good, and that I would see more of him soon. But for now I had respite, and I felt confident that the next time I saw him, he would be a little bit smaller.

It felt good to get on the plane. I listened to some bittersweet songs through my phone, and felt my heart chakra open like a lotus flower. The girl I wanted to marry dumped me like a bag of trash, but I think I've dealt with it very well. Taiwan is great so far, and my friend will meet me in a couple days. Here's hoping my vacation improves from here...